Off the Record

I don’t want to become one of those people who never has a drink again, but, after the past few weeks of binge drinking, I’m inclined to give it up forever. I’m six days in with no drinks, and, while I’ve certainly been out to bars and around people who are drinking, I haven’t craved alcohol since Saturday. Am I under a spell? Is it too hot to drink? Have I drunk too much in the past 3 years to be set for life?

What I can make of it is that I’m tired of experiencing the range of emotions one has when drinking. You go from a slight buzz (which brings with it an irresistable charm and rapid-fire discussion) to a tipsiness (which brings with it potential clumsiness and flirtatiousness and unmanageable desires to text message people you shouldn’t), then a close-to-drunken state (which brings with it forgetfulness, dizziness, and neediness) to a state where you’re unable to drive or operate, say, a back hoe or a sno-cone bottling machine. I RARELY make it to the last state because I hate the way it makes me feel both at the time of occurence and the “matin apres.”

But maybe those first few conditions have become, to me, as bad as the last condition, thus steering me away from any temptation I once had. Why not, I’ve been thinking, maintain one state of mind, emotionally, physically and intellectually, throughout one day? Why alter any inclinations you have just so you can “fit in” or “feel good” for a few moments?

Advantage #1: You’re the eternal DD. #2: You save a SHIT-ton of money. #3: You will never throw up (or feel like you should). #4: People will beg you to drink with them. #5: You may, ultimately, have a better time because your mood is stabilized and consistent. #6: You (most likely) won’t forget things the next day. #7: No headaches. #8: People will think you’re a prude.*

My energy is better, I’m not craving any sort of booze, and I’m getting more work done.
What the hell is wrong with me?!

*Wait. That last one should be on the “disadvantage” list.