Off the Record

What a blizzard we’re getting here. That’s coming from someone experiencing “climate change” in St. Louis, so this could be completely normal for Salt Lake, who knows. As Mayor Bloomberg says, “They call it global warming, but it can also affect us on the local level.” Guliani and he are both planning to run for president, rumor has it. Favorite comic I saw in the New Yorker this week: A man and a woman are sitting on the bed, the woman says to the man, “I’ve had fantasies about horse-whipping you, but they weren’t sexual fantasies.” This place down the street from my cousin’s house has THE BEST scones ever. Coffee and scones every morning for the next week sounds like heaven. My mission while I’m here, aside from converting Mormons to atheism, is to go to all the hipster bars and decide if they are cooler than ones in STL. The problem here is that you have to be a member or pay a guest fee of three or so dollars. Then I think you have to have someone “sponsor” you. The complications of drinking alcohol in Utah. Don’t forget the lake stink.

A safe arrival in Salt Lake prompted me to lean over and kiss the ground. When my lips hit the cold ramp from plane, I recognized the taste–almost like a pretzel or the best-tasting side of a Club cracker or skin… Yes, THAT’S what it was! Sweaty, sweaty flesh! The whole city tastes of salty skin! “The Great Salt Lake is separated from Salt Lake City by extensive marshlands and mudflats. The decomposition of plants and animals in the lake results in a phenomenon known as “lake stink”, a scent reminiscent of foul poultry eggs, two to three times per year for a few hours. The Jordan River flows through the city and is a drainage of Utah Lake that empties into the Great Salt Lake.”