Saturday, June 28, 2008


go to

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Saturday, June 21, 2008

TV’s are For Lovers

I found a television in the alley the other day and stood in front of it for 10 minutes before I decided it was in my best interest to take it, seeing as I don’t have a television. I didn’t expect it to work–it was old, dirty, and small. It was encased in a white plastic little box with a handle and two antennae. The switchbox on the back, giving you the option of “TV” or “game,” was still intact. It was surrounded by other televisions (boxed Zeniths) and electronic equipment (audio switchers and tape reels) and chairs and headboards, but I decided on this TV.

I wanted it only for the aesthetics–it was retro and would fit nicely with my Catholic school library naugahyde chairs and my  1940′s suitcases-turned-ottomans and the doorknobs decorating my walls.
I plugged it in and it worked. In black and white. With four stations.

So far I have viewed Sex in the City, King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends and Judge Judy. I love it.

But today, while learning how to cook with foil, the sound went out.

The shortest affair I’d ever had is over.

Posted by Sarah in 18:45:42 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, June 13, 2008

You Booze, You Snooze.

I don’t want to become one of those people who never has a drink again, but, after the past few weeks of binge drinking, I’m inclined to give it up forever. I’m six days in with no drinks, and, while I’ve certainly been out to bars and around people who are drinking, I haven’t craved alcohol since Saturday. Am I under a spell? Is it too hot to drink? Have I drunk too much in the past 3 years to be set for life?

What I can make of it is that I’m tired of experiencing the range of emotions one has when drinking. You go from a slight buzz (which brings with it an irresistable charm and rapid-fire discussion) to a tipsiness (which brings with it potential clumsiness and flirtatiousness and unmanageable desires to text message people you shouldn’t), then a close-to-drunken state (which brings with it forgetfulness, dizziness, and neediness) to a state where you’re unable to drive or operate, say, a back hoe or a sno-cone bottling machine. I RARELY make it to the last state because I hate the way it makes me feel both at the time of occurence and the “matin apres.”

But maybe those first few conditions have become, to me, as bad as the last condition, thus steering me away from any temptation I once had. Why not, I’ve been thinking, maintain one state of mind, emotionally, physically and intellectually, throughout one day? Why alter any inclinations you have just so you can “fit in” or “feel good” for a few moments?

Advantage #1: You’re the eternal DD. #2: You save a SHIT-ton of money. #3: You will never throw up (or feel like you should). #4: People will beg you to drink with them. #5: You may, ultimately, have a better time because your mood is stabilized and consistent. #6: You (most likely) won’t forget things the next day. #7: No headaches. #8: People will think you’re a prude.*

My energy is better, I’m not craving any sort of booze, and I’m getting more work done.
What the hell is wrong with me?!

*Wait. That last one should be on the “disadvantage” list.

Posted by Sarah in 21:00:40 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, June 12, 2008

An Apology in Six Minutes.

I’m sorry I kissed your girlfriend.

I’m sorry I am not a good reporter.

I’m sorry I stole your blog idea.

I’m sorry I ditched you that night for what turned out to be a bad date.

I’m sorry I stole your friend.

I’m sorry I didn’t feel like riding my bike to U City.

I’m sorry this didn’t work out.

I’m sorry I sullied your name.

I’m sorry I told people what we did.

I’m sorry I don’t like your boyfriend.

I’m sorry I asked you not to taser me.

I’m sorry for leading you on.

I’m sorry I didn’t let you sleep.

I’m sorry for calling you so late that one time.

I’m sorry I made you pay me back for when your dog bit someone.

I’m sorry I talked too loud.

I’m sorry we couldn’t work things out.

I’m sorry I mixed up my days.

I’m sorry I hit your car.

I’m sorry I didn’t tip you well enough.

I’m sorry I made you fix my flat tire.

I’m sorry I didn’t try harder in your Media Research class my senior year.

I’m sorry I got lazy.

I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.

I’m sorry I tried too hard.

Posted by Sarah in 06:06:16 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

13′s June

Grace Woodard. 

Mentioned me on the radio tonight. Thanks, lady.

Papa Truckey.
Turned a whopping 67 today and entertained me at dinner with stories about his Geezer Bijoux Movie Club and why belts don’t allowed him to keep up his “damned pants.” 

RagTag in CoMo.
Possible job opp. More on that manaƱa. 

Leaving. Today’s his last day. My world goes downhill from here on out. 

Battery is slowly fading. Leaning toward one of those that has internet and typa typa abilities!

New mailbox and tomato plant next to the naked lady statue! Oh yeah, AND a pet salon is moving in downstairs. Bark, bark. 

Getting screwed.
TWICE in the tread of my tires. Two separate occasions, two different tires. First time: Thank you, Justin M. Second time: Thank you, Fix-A-Flat.

Said I’d never do it, but I did. Should be coming out soon…

Greening the Heartland Conference. 
Official hired blogger and photog. 

My seat is too low. Makes me go slow. Slow is bad. Slow is for whoosies. 

Full swing. Currently have two on my plate. MEOW.

Still kickin’. Starting work at the deli across the way later this month. 

Two. Neither of them mine. One: ex-boyfriend’s. Second: best friend’s.

Posted by Sarah in 05:59:25 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, June 6, 2008

As Heard on Your Local TV

With regard to the economy/life in general:

“This is just a not good time.”

Posted by Sarah in 23:37:04 | Permalink | Comments Off

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Journies, Journeyz

He took off the guy’s side mirror.

My bus driver took off a guy’s side mirror on our way to Chicago. 
It took the Illinois highway police an HOUR AND A HALF to rectify the situation, giving our bus driver a ticket. 
That’s what $20′ll do ya.
Posted by Sarah in 15:32:06 | Permalink | Comments Off

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Q: What are YOU afraid of! A: Ending a sentence with a preposition.

Morning started with a flat tire.
After that, cleaned up pee left by a dog I’m dogsitting (not very well, apparently).
Followed by a slew of late buses.
And banana goo staining my shirt.
Arrived late to school, with the Head monitoring my class (bad start to the morning).
Then I dropped a pen
and said,
“This is the worst day ever.”
“Aww, Truckey!” a student consoled me.
She cared,
so I guess it wasn’t actually the worst day ever.
Posted by Sarah in 20:03:19 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, May 24, 2008

It’s Not What You Think

Dear South City:

Yours truly,


Posted by Sarah in 19:30:08 | Permalink | Comments Off

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I’d Take Back the Vegetables If I Could

I had best not say anything bad about the bachelorette party, for fear that my soon-to-be-married friend would take offense. I also best not saying anything terribly wonderful about it either, for fear of being a hypocrite and someone who assumes too much from the start only to be proven wrong somewhere along the way.
It was full of allusions to sex.
Grapes (lots of them).
Losing vehicles.
Pasta specials.
Sauvignon Blanc.
Coconut Haze.
More Dancing.
Goofy photos.
Dancing with random men.
Lost wallets.
Sober driving.
Text messages.
Lewd Photos.

Twas the earliest Friday night I’ve had in a long while–1.30am crash time for me. Good time, good people, beautiful bride.

Posted by Sarah in 14:44:45 | Permalink | Comments (1) »